Chapter One: Me a Pig
1. Pigs love carrots
2. Pigs are scared of snakes
3. Pigs are smart
It's nearly morning and I'm lying on my comfy bed. I'm thinking about the times when I am young - well I am still young, but anyway...
Oh! I almost forgot to tell you the thing that started this whole adventure - I'm a PIG. But do not misunderstand me, I'm not one of those pigs that humans describe: stinky, dirty, ugly, and useless if not turned into bacon - which I sincerely disagree. Those are all legends that humans made up so that they don't have to pity us when we are turned into breakfast.
Pigs are usually clean, well before we bathe in mud, not to get clean but to get dirty so we have a reason to go swimming. And pigs are VERY SMART. We are even one of the smartest animals on earth! Not counting humans, we never count humans.
But I am still a very unusual pig. I am not talking about me owning a castle and being a fan of "Justin Beaver". But I am talking about me ESCAPING A FARM! I didn't just break out, I did it the GREAT way: I hacked a computer and I used Einstein's theory E=MC2 (Elephant=Micro-Carrots in 2D)...
By the way I must show you the portrait that I drew of myself yesterday:
But now we have to start from the beginning, when I was born in a farm which had extremely annoying farmers. One is named Halnoldmcdalnold and his wife is called Galnoldmcfalnold, not very creative names, huh? I was born to be a very smart pig. And the first thing that I did also proved that I was an EXTRAORDINARY pig... I gave myself and the other pig in my barn NAMES, which pigs never have. My name is Henry and his name is Freddy (well THESE are very creative names). Freddy and I quickly made friends and started to enjoy life together, for a short time at least. After a while in one of our neatly planned days I started to think about why the farmers were feeding us free food... then a HORRIBLE thought struck me: they are sending us to school. They are just fattening us up so we could go to school! I quickly pulled Freddy to the corner and I said "Mate, we have a serious issue here." "What?" "They are sending us to school." (an uncomfortable silence) "Oh my god." were the last words that he said before he fainted.